As we take off on the the flight 2011, the Lord has spoken through His servant Pastor E.A Adeboye concerning what to expect in the course of this flight, as individuals, as a nation and even globally.
I beleive that when the Word comes forth like this, it's meant to guide us and guard our paths because God's word is Light. I personally charge every one of us to move closer to God, be more prayerful, study God's word the more and most importantly live in constant communion with the Holy Spririt of God. He will lead us aright and grant us a safe landing at out God-ordained destination at the end of 2011.
I pray for everyone that God will be our friend and we will be His friend in 2011.
Happy new year.
RCCG 2010 PROPHECIES
GENERAL
1. For those who will be totally committed to God this year, it will be a year of mighty testimonies.
2. There will be big celebrations in many homes/families
3. There will be massive restorations of losses of the previous years
4. Assignment – pray against killer diseases, particularly amongst children
NIGERIA
5. Pray for long life for prominent Nigerians
6. There is no need to panic – all will be well
INTERNATIONAL
7. Pray seriously for the international scene this year against massive storms and extreme temperatures
8. Pray against major disasters, especially by fire (what I (GO) saw is as if the whole earth was convulsing)
9. Pray that God will speak peace to a convulsing earth
10. Pray against civil wars and civil unrest
11. There will be major discoveries in the automotive and aviation industry.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Thursday, December 30, 2010
I owe Him a song.
I owe Him a song,
A song to let Him know how much I love Him.
A song to let Him know how much I appreciate Him....
A song to let Him know that He is my ALL and much MORE......
In 2010,
He put food on my table,
He put money in my pocket,
He put my smiles on my face......
and was also always on standby to wipe my rolling tears....
He is the only one who will associate with me even in my failures,
He never gets tired of listening to me,
With my stains and dirts,
He'd still draw me close, and smile at me and say....
Daughter, I love you!
My friend at all times.
My keeper.
My Lover.
My Shield.
My Inspiration.
My Lord.
My Light.
My Help.
My Father...........
Words will fail me to express how much I appreciate you Daddy,
Your ears were always opened to hear me....
Your eyes were always watching over me.....
Your Word comforted me......
You could have stopped loving me......
But you chose not to.
You could have withdrawn Your mercies....
But You chose not to.
I have done nothing to deserve this magnitude of love.
You love me so unconditionally.
The only little way I can appreciate You....
Is to write this little poem for YOU....
and to let the whole world know....that
JESUS, YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
His name is JESUS.
He is my ALL in ALL.
He is the Bishop of my soul.
His name is El-Shaddai.....
My sufficiency.
You are just enough for me!!!!!!
Thank you for 2010...
I OWE YOU EVERYTHING FOR 2010.
MY LIFE, MY JOY, MY PEACE, MY SUCCESSES, MY BREAKTHROUGHS,MY ANSWERED PRAYERS,MY DIRECTION, and MUCH MORE
I owe YOU this song Father....
I owe YOU my life.
I owe YOU my all.
I pledge allegiance to YOU Father......
By your mercies,
If YOU tarry,
2011 shall record me announcing YOU to everyone............
Letting the whole world know that
THERE COULD ONLY BE YOU.
I and the person reading this say THANK YOU JESUS for the successful completion of 2010.
I love YOU Jesus......
Your Daughter,
'Motara.
A song to let Him know how much I love Him.
A song to let Him know how much I appreciate Him....
A song to let Him know that He is my ALL and much MORE......
In 2010,
He put food on my table,
He put money in my pocket,
He put my smiles on my face......
and was also always on standby to wipe my rolling tears....
He is the only one who will associate with me even in my failures,
He never gets tired of listening to me,
With my stains and dirts,
He'd still draw me close, and smile at me and say....
Daughter, I love you!
My friend at all times.
My keeper.
My Lover.
My Shield.
My Inspiration.
My Lord.
My Light.
My Help.
My Father...........
Words will fail me to express how much I appreciate you Daddy,
Your ears were always opened to hear me....
Your eyes were always watching over me.....
Your Word comforted me......
You could have stopped loving me......
But you chose not to.
You could have withdrawn Your mercies....
But You chose not to.
I have done nothing to deserve this magnitude of love.
You love me so unconditionally.
The only little way I can appreciate You....
Is to write this little poem for YOU....
and to let the whole world know....that
JESUS, YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
His name is JESUS.
He is my ALL in ALL.
He is the Bishop of my soul.
His name is El-Shaddai.....
My sufficiency.
You are just enough for me!!!!!!
Thank you for 2010...
I OWE YOU EVERYTHING FOR 2010.
MY LIFE, MY JOY, MY PEACE, MY SUCCESSES, MY BREAKTHROUGHS,MY ANSWERED PRAYERS,MY DIRECTION, and MUCH MORE
I owe YOU this song Father....
I owe YOU my life.
I owe YOU my all.
I pledge allegiance to YOU Father......
By your mercies,
If YOU tarry,
2011 shall record me announcing YOU to everyone............
Letting the whole world know that
THERE COULD ONLY BE YOU.
I and the person reading this say THANK YOU JESUS for the successful completion of 2010.
I love YOU Jesus......
Your Daughter,
'Motara.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Weaknesses.
I woke up this morning with this very strong voice all over my mind, and everything the voice was echoing and re-echoeing into my mind was WEAKNESS!!!!WEAKNESS!!!!!WEAKNESS!!! There seemed to be a serious battle in my mind as to whether to just listen to that voice and envelope myself in self-pity or frustration, or on the other hand, shut my mind to it, ignore it and just be FINE!!!!!!
However, I choose to connect to the Spirit of God to help me out of the situation and I'd like to share these few words with everyone that happens to read this. I hope someone learns and is blessed with this piece.
The dictionary defines the word WEAKNESS as a flaw or weak point. It's also defined as
imperfection, imperfectness - the state or an instance of being imperfect, flaw - defect or weakness in a person's character. For the purpose of this piece, I'd stick to the definition that defines WEAKNESS AS THE STATE OF BEING IMPERFECT. OR THE STATE OF IMPERFECTION.
I found myself asking God questions like "What exactly is this weakness thing". "Why'd one have to keep battling with some of these things". "Why does it seem like somethings won't just not happen". Then I got this answer by the Spirit of God which for me remains the truest and most accurate definition of that word WEAKNESS.
He said, WEAKNESS IS THE ONLY POINTER TO THE FACT THAT YOU ARE MAN. I queried further, and I got to understand that ther is ONLY ONE PERFECT ONE. Remove imperfection from Man and we cease to be man!!!! In other words, our weakness is meant to always bring us to that point where of our own selves we can do nothing. It brings us to that point where we need God. A point where we acknowledge that indeed, His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.
What weakness is......
1. It is a pointer to the fact that you are only human.
2. It is resident in everyone
3. Differs from personality to personality
4. It's a yardstick to measure your " growth and maturity" because as time passes by, we naturally outgrow some of them.
5. It is sometimes, if not checked, a killer in many ways.
6. It is sometimes, if checked, an image shaper, character builder, and' growth measurer"
What weakness is not......
1. It is not a disease
2. it is not a curse
3. It is not most times deliberate
4. It doesn't imply you are useless
Summary.........
*God is aware of those weaknesses
*The beauty of this thing called weakness is that this same weakness of yours is someone else's strength.
* Everyone that has got a weakness has got a strength too.
*Every single person including those who castigate you for your weakness, has got something to deal with too.
*Your weakness is meant to be improved on and not to keep you in constant self pity no matter what everyone thinks of it.
*Run away from people who ENHANCE those weaknesses
*Dwell less on them and pray more about them because God knows we have them all and He is ready to help us all time
*Channel your energy to developing your strong points
*Be open to constructive criticisms/corrections
*Discovering and working on your weaknesses brings you out as gold after everything, because for every one u discover and resolve to, with the help of God, work on, it leaves you a better person.
* Some people might hate you for your weaknesses, or some might just keep bringing it open slamming it unto your very face at every time. Some may even judge you by it.That could be frustrating though, but there is only one thing to do .....Beleive in You. God ain't through with you yet. Everyone is a project with the big sign board (CONSTRUCTION IN PROGRESS).
*Trust God more to help you.
*Look out more for people who'd complement those weaknesses and eventually rub on you.
Having said all these, I beleive that someone will be like me, and let go of those shortcomings and inabilities of yours because You are only human, and let the ONLY PERFECT GOD work on us and bring us out as gold.
He is the potter, we are the clay. If we'd go to that potter's house today, He'd break, mould and shape us into no other person's image than HIS.
Have a great week ahead.
'Motara.
However, I choose to connect to the Spirit of God to help me out of the situation and I'd like to share these few words with everyone that happens to read this. I hope someone learns and is blessed with this piece.
The dictionary defines the word WEAKNESS as a flaw or weak point. It's also defined as
imperfection, imperfectness - the state or an instance of being imperfect, flaw - defect or weakness in a person's character. For the purpose of this piece, I'd stick to the definition that defines WEAKNESS AS THE STATE OF BEING IMPERFECT. OR THE STATE OF IMPERFECTION.
I found myself asking God questions like "What exactly is this weakness thing". "Why'd one have to keep battling with some of these things". "Why does it seem like somethings won't just not happen". Then I got this answer by the Spirit of God which for me remains the truest and most accurate definition of that word WEAKNESS.
He said, WEAKNESS IS THE ONLY POINTER TO THE FACT THAT YOU ARE MAN. I queried further, and I got to understand that ther is ONLY ONE PERFECT ONE. Remove imperfection from Man and we cease to be man!!!! In other words, our weakness is meant to always bring us to that point where of our own selves we can do nothing. It brings us to that point where we need God. A point where we acknowledge that indeed, His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.
What weakness is......
1. It is a pointer to the fact that you are only human.
2. It is resident in everyone
3. Differs from personality to personality
4. It's a yardstick to measure your " growth and maturity" because as time passes by, we naturally outgrow some of them.
5. It is sometimes, if not checked, a killer in many ways.
6. It is sometimes, if checked, an image shaper, character builder, and' growth measurer"
What weakness is not......
1. It is not a disease
2. it is not a curse
3. It is not most times deliberate
4. It doesn't imply you are useless
Summary.........
*God is aware of those weaknesses
*The beauty of this thing called weakness is that this same weakness of yours is someone else's strength.
* Everyone that has got a weakness has got a strength too.
*Every single person including those who castigate you for your weakness, has got something to deal with too.
*Your weakness is meant to be improved on and not to keep you in constant self pity no matter what everyone thinks of it.
*Run away from people who ENHANCE those weaknesses
*Dwell less on them and pray more about them because God knows we have them all and He is ready to help us all time
*Channel your energy to developing your strong points
*Be open to constructive criticisms/corrections
*Discovering and working on your weaknesses brings you out as gold after everything, because for every one u discover and resolve to, with the help of God, work on, it leaves you a better person.
* Some people might hate you for your weaknesses, or some might just keep bringing it open slamming it unto your very face at every time. Some may even judge you by it.That could be frustrating though, but there is only one thing to do .....Beleive in You. God ain't through with you yet. Everyone is a project with the big sign board (CONSTRUCTION IN PROGRESS).
*Trust God more to help you.
*Look out more for people who'd complement those weaknesses and eventually rub on you.
Having said all these, I beleive that someone will be like me, and let go of those shortcomings and inabilities of yours because You are only human, and let the ONLY PERFECT GOD work on us and bring us out as gold.
He is the potter, we are the clay. If we'd go to that potter's house today, He'd break, mould and shape us into no other person's image than HIS.
Have a great week ahead.
'Motara.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Feeling or Commitment
A friend told me a long time ago that Love is NOT a feeling. He said ,"Love is a commitment".
I went further ask him what he meant by that,and he said....."feelings die,feeligs fade,feelings fluctuate,today you feel like heaven with the one you love and tomorrow you feel like hell with the same person....and on and on and on". He went further to say that commitment keeps you strong. Commitment makes you want to stand by and stand through. Commitment keeps you focused.
I went further into the dictionary to check out the meaning of the word commitment...
Commitment means to show loyalty, duty or pledge to something or someone, Commitment ignites action. To commit is to pledge yourself to a certain purpose or line of conduct. It also means practicing your beliefs consistently. There are, therefore, two fundamental conditions for commitment. The first is having a sound set of beliefs. There is an old saying that goes, "Stand for something or you'll fall for anything." The second is faithful adherence to those beliefs with your behavior. Possibly the best description of commitment is "persistence with a purpose".
When Christ says He loves us, He means that He is commited to us. He is Persistent in His love for us with one purpose of redeeming us eternally. If love were to be feelings to Christ,a lot of times we'd make Him feel like slapping us, giving us a blow/spank or even making us cease to live. But no! It's not how He feels towards us. He's committed to us in Good and in Bad. He wont stop loving us no matter who/what we are. He loves us in our worst and our best. He loves us for better for worse. Consistently and persistently, He has proven to be our own very role model of TRUE LOVE.
When I tell you I love you,I am indirectly telling you that I'm ready to be committed to you.When my feelings are right or wrong, the commitment remains. When feelings and emotions fail, commitment is the bond that still keeps us glued to the ones we have professed our love to. I love you is different from I have feelings for you. If you love me then you are committes to me. You are persistent with the purpose of loving me forever, for better for worse, for good and for bad. No wonder the bible admonishes husbands to love their wives just like Christ have loved the church. Christ loved the church unrepentantly. Even the church's several waknesses and failures wont change Christ's commitment to her.
We must learn to mind the use of the word LOVE.Always be clear on what u feel u feel. You can't feel love. God is Love. Love is God. God showed us His love by His commitment to us. Show love to those you have proffessed it to by staying committed.
FInally, you cant give what ou dont have. If u dont have God,then u can't show love because Love is who God is. He is the author of it. Know God, Know love and show love.
SHALOM.
I went further ask him what he meant by that,and he said....."feelings die,feeligs fade,feelings fluctuate,today you feel like heaven with the one you love and tomorrow you feel like hell with the same person....and on and on and on". He went further to say that commitment keeps you strong. Commitment makes you want to stand by and stand through. Commitment keeps you focused.
I went further into the dictionary to check out the meaning of the word commitment...
Commitment means to show loyalty, duty or pledge to something or someone, Commitment ignites action. To commit is to pledge yourself to a certain purpose or line of conduct. It also means practicing your beliefs consistently. There are, therefore, two fundamental conditions for commitment. The first is having a sound set of beliefs. There is an old saying that goes, "Stand for something or you'll fall for anything." The second is faithful adherence to those beliefs with your behavior. Possibly the best description of commitment is "persistence with a purpose".
When Christ says He loves us, He means that He is commited to us. He is Persistent in His love for us with one purpose of redeeming us eternally. If love were to be feelings to Christ,a lot of times we'd make Him feel like slapping us, giving us a blow/spank or even making us cease to live. But no! It's not how He feels towards us. He's committed to us in Good and in Bad. He wont stop loving us no matter who/what we are. He loves us in our worst and our best. He loves us for better for worse. Consistently and persistently, He has proven to be our own very role model of TRUE LOVE.
When I tell you I love you,I am indirectly telling you that I'm ready to be committed to you.When my feelings are right or wrong, the commitment remains. When feelings and emotions fail, commitment is the bond that still keeps us glued to the ones we have professed our love to. I love you is different from I have feelings for you. If you love me then you are committes to me. You are persistent with the purpose of loving me forever, for better for worse, for good and for bad. No wonder the bible admonishes husbands to love their wives just like Christ have loved the church. Christ loved the church unrepentantly. Even the church's several waknesses and failures wont change Christ's commitment to her.
We must learn to mind the use of the word LOVE.Always be clear on what u feel u feel. You can't feel love. God is Love. Love is God. God showed us His love by His commitment to us. Show love to those you have proffessed it to by staying committed.
FInally, you cant give what ou dont have. If u dont have God,then u can't show love because Love is who God is. He is the author of it. Know God, Know love and show love.
SHALOM.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Gists!!!!
So much is happening within the gospel music scene and we owe this all to the fact that more people are coming out to identify with God and the good news. I have decided to dedicate this week's blog to the many many great happenings that have happened recently,that is happening right now and that will be happening in the nearest "tomorrow".
whao....where do we start from?????
The Multiple award winning group,Midnight crew are presently on a tour in the U.S of A. The group are busy right now bringing down God's glory in several cities of the USA.Cities that have enjoyed the davidic nature of the crew's praise includes, Chicago, Houston, San-Diego,Carlifornia......to mention a few.Feed ur eyes with the pictures below!!!!
Away from Midnight crew, we go to a new beautiful woman that has evolved into what I call "strong voice" of gospel music.Her name is Vivien Stephen!!!!!
Vivien happens to be the wife of the fuji voice of the Midnight crew,Micheal Abdul and she is doing gospel proud.You know what,I beleive that the time will come that people wont want to listen to Beyonce, D.I Sacabba, W.Bank, and name their likes.I mean the time when we dictate the pace and others follow.She has her single,IJO, on air now and it's receiving massive airplay on radiostations. The video to that song is off the hook and I cant just have enough of it.If you havent't seen that video,do yourself some good and go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbg2UVb7qFk.
Next gist is the Club X tour that is raving the city of Lagos right now!
Stay tuned!
whao....where do we start from?????
Midnight Crew
The Multiple award winning group,Midnight crew are presently on a tour in the U.S of A. The group are busy right now bringing down God's glory in several cities of the USA.Cities that have enjoyed the davidic nature of the crew's praise includes, Chicago, Houston, San-Diego,Carlifornia......to mention a few.Feed ur eyes with the pictures below!!!!
Away from Midnight crew, we go to a new beautiful woman that has evolved into what I call "strong voice" of gospel music.Her name is Vivien Stephen!!!!!
Vivien happens to be the wife of the fuji voice of the Midnight crew,Micheal Abdul and she is doing gospel proud.You know what,I beleive that the time will come that people wont want to listen to Beyonce, D.I Sacabba, W.Bank, and name their likes.I mean the time when we dictate the pace and others follow.She has her single,IJO, on air now and it's receiving massive airplay on radiostations. The video to that song is off the hook and I cant just have enough of it.If you havent't seen that video,do yourself some good and go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbg2UVb7qFk.
Next gist is the Club X tour that is raving the city of Lagos right now!
Stay tuned!
Friday, June 4, 2010
Curriculum Vitaé
Name: JESUS CHRIST
Address: Ephesians 1:20
Phone: Romans 10:13
Website: Bible
Keywords: Christ, Lord, Savior and Jesus
My name is Jesus - The Christ. Many call me Lord! I've sent you my CV because I'm seeking the top management position in your heart. Feel free to read my details below.
Qualifications
I founded the earth and established the heavens, (See Proverbs 3:19)
I formed man from the dust of the ground, (See Genesis 2:7)
I breathed into man the breath of life, (See Genesis 2:7)
I redeemed man from the curse of the law, (See Galatians 3:13)
The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me,
(See Galatians 3:14)
Occupational Background
I've only had one employer, (See Luke 2:49).
I've never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful.
My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me, (See Matthew 3:15-17)
Skills and Work Experiences
Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be
poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives free, healing the
sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised, (See
Luke 4:18).
I am a Wonderful Counselor, (See Isaiah 9:6). People who listen to me shall
dwell safely and shall not fear evil, (See Proverbs 1:33). Most importantly, I
have the authority, ability and power to cleanse you of your sins, (See I John
1:7-9)
Educational Background
I encompass the entire breadth and length of knowledge, wisdom and
understanding, (See Proverbs 2:6). In me are hidden all of the treasures of
wisdom and knowledge, (See Colossians 2:3).My Word is so powerful; it has
been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a lamp unto your path, (See
Psalms 119:105).
I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart, (See Psalms 44:21).
Major Accomplishments
I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all times, (See
Genesis 1:26). I laid down my life so that you may live, (See II Corinthians
5:15).
I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind and made a show of them
openly, (See Colossians 2:15). I've miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick
and raised the dead! There are many more major accomplishments, too many
to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www
dot - the BIBLE. You don't need an Internet connection or computer to access it.
References
Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation,
deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance.
Summary
Now that you've read My CV, I'm confident that I'm the only candidate uniquely
qualified to fill this vital position in your heart.
In summation, I will properly direct your paths, (See Proverbs 3:5-6), and lead you into everlasting life, (See John 6:47).
When can I start? Time is of the essence, (See Hebrews 3:15).
Send this CV to everyone you know, you never know who may have an opening!
Thanks for your help and may God bless you
Address: Ephesians 1:20
Phone: Romans 10:13
Website: Bible
Keywords: Christ, Lord, Savior and Jesus
My name is Jesus - The Christ. Many call me Lord! I've sent you my CV because I'm seeking the top management position in your heart. Feel free to read my details below.
Qualifications
I founded the earth and established the heavens, (See Proverbs 3:19)
I formed man from the dust of the ground, (See Genesis 2:7)
I breathed into man the breath of life, (See Genesis 2:7)
I redeemed man from the curse of the law, (See Galatians 3:13)
The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me,
(See Galatians 3:14)
Occupational Background
I've only had one employer, (See Luke 2:49).
I've never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful.
My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me, (See Matthew 3:15-17)
Skills and Work Experiences
Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be
poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives free, healing the
sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised, (See
Luke 4:18).
I am a Wonderful Counselor, (See Isaiah 9:6). People who listen to me shall
dwell safely and shall not fear evil, (See Proverbs 1:33). Most importantly, I
have the authority, ability and power to cleanse you of your sins, (See I John
1:7-9)
Educational Background
I encompass the entire breadth and length of knowledge, wisdom and
understanding, (See Proverbs 2:6). In me are hidden all of the treasures of
wisdom and knowledge, (See Colossians 2:3).My Word is so powerful; it has
been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a lamp unto your path, (See
Psalms 119:105).
I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart, (See Psalms 44:21).
Major Accomplishments
I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all times, (See
Genesis 1:26). I laid down my life so that you may live, (See II Corinthians
5:15).
I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind and made a show of them
openly, (See Colossians 2:15). I've miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick
and raised the dead! There are many more major accomplishments, too many
to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www
dot - the BIBLE. You don't need an Internet connection or computer to access it.
References
Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation,
deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance.
Summary
Now that you've read My CV, I'm confident that I'm the only candidate uniquely
qualified to fill this vital position in your heart.
In summation, I will properly direct your paths, (See Proverbs 3:5-6), and lead you into everlasting life, (See John 6:47).
When can I start? Time is of the essence, (See Hebrews 3:15).
Send this CV to everyone you know, you never know who may have an opening!
Thanks for your help and may God bless you
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Smal mistakes,great consequences
Hi readers,
Long time no see or hear from you or me again.Thank God for His mercies that keeps us from time to time.
I stumbled on this story on my facebook wall this morning and I decided to share with us all.I beeive that at least one person wil be blessed of God after reading this story and please do share this story as much as u can.You might just be saving a marriage. Happy Reading!!!!!!
Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother".
Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people’s habit; slowly you will get use to it". Mother stopped saying anything.
But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the
protest mother makes.
From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a
long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.
During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me.. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes... I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.
Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted
To turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?
Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and
left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.
The next day, I did not go to work.. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me,
His face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?
Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her... I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if.... In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.
Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart. One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me.. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse
together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.
He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy
carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any
further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can
leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.
Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom,
but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet... This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off
continuing but I continuously ignored him.
Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the
journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction
pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his.... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer.
Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."
I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now.... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion ... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be
honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most...." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
Hubby has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby.... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of
the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever...." Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too late."...... ...
This is a true story.
LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!
I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience..... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge..
People please let's live a life devoid of grudge. Communication is the key.
Take greatest care and live on.
"Protocols Are Broken When God Is Involved"
Long time no see or hear from you or me again.Thank God for His mercies that keeps us from time to time.
I stumbled on this story on my facebook wall this morning and I decided to share with us all.I beeive that at least one person wil be blessed of God after reading this story and please do share this story as much as u can.You might just be saving a marriage. Happy Reading!!!!!!
Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother".
Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people’s habit; slowly you will get use to it". Mother stopped saying anything.
But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it.. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the
protest mother makes.
From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a
long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.
During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me.. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes... I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.
Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted
To turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?
Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and
left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.
The next day, I did not go to work.. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me,
His face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?
Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her... I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if.... In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.
Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart. One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me.. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse
together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.
He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy
carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any
further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can
leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.
Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom,
but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet... This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off
continuing but I continuously ignored him.
Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the
journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction
pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his.... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer.
Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."
I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now.... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion ... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be
honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most...." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
Hubby has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby.... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of
the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever...." Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too late."...... ...
This is a true story.
LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!
I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience..... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge..
People please let's live a life devoid of grudge. Communication is the key.
Take greatest care and live on.
"Protocols Are Broken When God Is Involved"
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